| "What a female?" -A Man from Buffalo |
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| Never forget about October 14, 2010!!! Greatest News ever!
Past is over! Present is here! Future is coming! |
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| For some reason I can't sleep tonight. I facebook my ex, then went to his xanga page to see how has he been. He was the one why I started to blog on xanga. And it always has been painful to read his blog, too much bad memories. Tonight I read from his first blog to the last, still the same, "SAD".
I saw what I went through in the past four years with him. It wasn't always his fault, partly was mine, maybe it was a mistake for us to even started our relationship. I did, I did like him a lot, I did love him, laugh with him, care about him, dislike him, hate him, forgive him, give up on him, then broke up with him... still can't forget him.
After I finished reading his blog, I wish I wrote comments on it, but instead I am writing them here b/c I respect him.
Four years ago when I first moved in with you, I found out you lied to me about a phone call. It was about your Elizabeth. Then I started to read your blog. I found you were still in love with her, she was all around your words. I wished I was the one who you wrote about. From that point, I've already told myself that you don't love me. Yes, I was jealous at Elizabeth. I wished I was the one who you grew up with, who you fell in love with. Even she told you there's nothing more than friends b/w you and her, but still you fell for her every time when you saw her.
About the next 20 more blogs after talking about her, I think you finally wrote about me, but as the one who you only want to have sex with. Is that why you asked me to move in with you? Is that what you called love?
As I was reading your fancy vocabulary and smart comments on stuff, I felt I didn't really know you. You is not you.
Who was I dating?
You told me how important I was to you, but I don't see it. Do you remember the night when you told me on the phone you had FUCK J, when she was just sitting next to me? I will never forget that moment, my whole body went numb. I couldn't even cry. You told me not b/c you wanted to me honest with me, but to hurt me. You did it really well. But then I was touched by the letter you wrote me. I was silly enough to believe what you wrote about.
You sad you were depressed, I was, too. I was b/c you didn't tell the person who sleep next to you every night.
You sad you have tried what's better out there, and when you came home it sucked. I'm not sure what you talked about there, but whatever it was, I hope you are enjoying it right now.
Then about your mom... you know I loved her as well. of course not as much as you did, but I wouldn't say I didn't care about her at all. Once again, I was sad b/c you said all those things to me
You always say things to me to make me feel worthless and that I was nothing when you are angry. You apologized for it and I accepted it over and over.... till the point I couldn't take it anymore.
Too much too much to say, but I feel better now I wrote about these. As what you asked for before, do not talk about our stuff to my friends and here I am. I will talk to the computer.
Almost a year had past, I've found someone who treats me as his princess. Friends and family let me know I'm special to them. I found my name and pictures in their blog, memories, life. I shouldn't let you control my emotions and I hope you don't let me control yours anymore.
徘了徊了走了 错了过了等了
累了倦了困了 烦了乱的冷的
都是真的
疯了想了念了 慌乱的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢
你坐过的沙发 困了你爱的影
那天的我等着 你等成了摆设
我的你的他的 好的坏的难的
灰的蓝的黄的 酸的甜的苦的
都还记得
非常想要忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不想要了
只得放了
环岛的火车载着我第几天了
忽然发现这一刻我不想你了
我的快乐
会回来的
只要清楚曾爱得那么深刻
不准问值不值得
我的快乐
会回来的
离开不是谁给了谁的选择
疯了想了念了 慌乱的焦虑的
复杂的梦过的 拥有的失去的
怎么忘呢
非常想要忘的 绝对不能忘的
我想要换你了 真的不想要了
只得放了
放了
忘了
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Lunch with Thuy and Tessa 
Cheers for our graduation
mami and daddy
sista from another mista
 
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